Sleeples in May

I once was thinking that probably there is something wrong with me. I have always been excited when May comes. You know, my heart is like yaaay my month comes and so excited for no specific reasons. Just excited. However, at the same time when the month arrives, I always can't sleep properly and it has happened since i was in middle school. Strangely enough, on the night of May 31st, i finally could sleep as nothing happened. Anyway, It has happened for like 15years or so. In the night during the month, when i tried to sleep, there are always things that has been crossed my mind and i think some of them are my anxieties. It was like "what have i done so far in my life" or "am i already thankful enough to Allah for all the things" or "what should i do next after this new age" or "will people remember me if i die". Doesn't matter how much i feel tired, i just can't sleep properly like 7-8 hours a day in May. I probably sleep for only 3-4 hours. I used to feel disturbed by this because the day after, i would feel sleepy at school. But as it has happened for 15years now, i think i use to it. Still annoyed but well i try to befriended with myself with this strange condition. Because it's still me. 

Anyway, 29 already. "What have i done" is no more a question i've been frequently ask myself. The question now is "are you happy now?". I have asking myself a lot "are you happy, self" most of the time. Because what matters the most in this life is our own happiness. Sounds cliché but you only live once. 

Dear self, i wish you no nightmares, i wish you no worries, i wish you strength to live the life, i wish you happiness. I wish you eternal sunshine 🌻

Zooming Out the Life

I once heard someone said this through his/her presentation and i am quoting it "If you want to see whether your life is happy or not, whether your life is satisfying or not, do not see the life you are living right this moment. You have to zoom out your life, see through your glasses by zooming it out boldly". 

At that time i did not understand the meaning of it. Until i read the comment box and i slowly got the idea of how you zooming out your life. By that, it means your whole life from your childhood moment to the present times you live. Are you happy overall or are you not? How you spend your whole times, is that make you happy or not? The spectrum of life is so unlimited as long as you still breath until this very moment. You can not judge your life miserable just by seeing the condition you face right now or vice versa. Or you can not judge your life just full of sweets because you remember your childhood moments which full of things your parent gave you and still and you think will keep showering you. 

I zoomed out my life. I see thoroughly through the process of zooming out. My life, you know, has never been fully satisfying for me. It full of some shi** and failures and stressors and ugh disgusting thing. But when i zoomed it out, i see a lot of you know undescribable things that make me feel very grateful for being alive. As i zoomed it out, i know 33% of my life so far is devastating while about 67% of it is very beautiful and wonderful and i am thankful of it deeply. 

And i think when you zoom out your life, you tend to remember and see the beautiful side rather than bad ones as long as you have faith. Try to zoom yours out, anyway.