2023 in a Nutshell

This year... It's quite a bit complicated for me to describe it. It's definitely good things happened and bad things also came in. But it was more than good and bad. Something more poetic in describing those terms, whether awesome and awful or acceptable and unacceptable. I don't know which one is more poetic, you choose. 

Anyway, this year was like that. Full of ups and downs, exactly like my mood. 

There were a lot of gains and losses, this year. There was also something that I thought I would lose but turned out I got that - which was good, and also some things that I thought I would catch but hell yeah I lost them.. It's funny if I see them now,  but at that time while I was facing it, it was like a beautiful daydream turned into a nightmare - yes, swifties over here- But yeah, time indeed heals. 

One thing for sure is I-Learned-A-Lot, this year. From any kind of source, you named it. Quran, books, podcasts, articles, journals, ads, music, paintings, exhibitions, products, designs, people's experiences, my own experiences, people's stories, my own stories, even from cats and fruits and plants. The more I learned, the more I realized I was just an empty jar. Sigh. 

Speaking of books.... I think I want to put it here just to remind myself a few times ahead when I'll get lazy or need to read this post again, I think this year was a beginning to say that I was back on track as a (beginner) bookworm. I have read 10 books? or 11 books? I forgot, but if it was 11, I'll add it to 12 with this another Ali Hazelwood book that I am currently reading right now. It's probably just a "Meh" or thing that is not so compromising (I know), but I'd say.. it is for me. Those 10-11 books did not include AUs (which was new for me - it's like fan fiction), webtoons and comics. So yeah, one of my achievements this year, I proudly say. 

Another achievement was.. I was finally able to do blood donation again after nearly 8 years! It touched me and almost shed a tear. It was sadly because of my blood tension that made me couldn't share it. My parent, they are the absolute reason why I think I need to give or donate or just share anything. My mother always says that we have to give whatever we can to the people in need. My father is just giving an example of what my mother said. He is a lifetime blood donor, and I learned from them. That's why when I was told I wasn't able to do the blood donation (several times), it made me sad. This year, after I took care of myself, did some diets, ate a lot of healthy vegetables, fruits, and proteins, and did a little brisk walk, finally I was able to do that, and I was so happy to finally be able again to do that. Alhamdulillaah :")

This year, I have tried some new delicious foods, traveled to new places, tried some new experiences, explored new things, looked for things that fit me the most, had some conversations with myself more but at the same time be able to spend more time with my family and friends, also met some new people, which were some achievements for me too.  The experiences, the stories, and the journeys were precious to me. Alhamdulillah..

Speaking again of experiences and stories, whether it was mine or people -friends, families, acquaintances, or even strangers- I bet it won't stop when I start writing about this. I need a timer to stop.

This year, the place I spent my days the most was...the hospital, yes aka my office, yes again aka the place i'd -not- rather be. The test of this year was.. woah! So my family members (yes except me- thankfully) took turns being hospitalized due to different cases this year. It took 1 - 2 weeks for each and even my father was hospitalized twice this year. My sister was the worst. She had a tonsillectomy and had bleeding during the process (and needed to do 2nd medical intervention kinda thing). It took a month to recover - and yes, I also slept in the hospital for almost a month.. it was draining and exhausting, honestly. Glad that we have been through it together. I pray for everyone in this whole world to be healthy wherever, whenever. 

This year also, I spent my days crying a lot because of Palestine. It was so stressful. I asked my mother if I could fly and did volunteering there (I almost secretly bought a plane ticket). But the answer was crystal clear - it was a firm no. In the end, I just did what I could. I pray that the war will end. I pray for the world peace. I pray for Palestinians to be safe, healthy, and happy, also always being protected by The Most Merciful. 

This year, I was faced with a situation that made me somehow blame myself and overwhelmed. Human relationships are sometimes complicated, complex, challenging, and vague. However, at the same time, I love humans and I also love being a human. I love having interaction with people. I think that was one of many reasons why I took psychology as my major, a decade ago. But this year, I had a few difficulties in managing the relationship between me and the others. It was me, as Taylor Swift (another proof being a swifties) said: It's me, I'm the problem, it's me. But I did some research and self-introspection and finally found the crack in between. Self-exploration is indeed a lifetime journey as we change, surrounding change, everything's moving. 

Well, it had to be stopped as my timer rang. Aaandddd here are several lessons that I got this year. The reason why I put it here? just because. ;)

1. Allah is The Kindest. No debate. The Kindest of all. Every love song, every love poetry, every form of art related to love, and everything about love itself, is undoubtedly dedicated to Him. 
2. I am one of those lucky girls who have been listening to murotal Quran straight from my granny's voice since I was born until now. I just realized that i love my quality time together with my Mbah : the moment when i just lying down or sitting down on my bed, and my grandma comes to join me and recites Quran beside me. That is her love language :")
3. Mom probably sometimes does not know the best (at least in my case), BUT I literally can't do anything without her. Seriously, sometimes i wonder how I will survive this life without her :"( 
4. In the world of creativity, stealing is a cheap way to make someone hurt as being throbbed in the heart by a knife. It was painful, really. I just felt it recently and it was devastating. 
5. I was on my diet, eating healthy food, same menu every day. It was hard to be consistent. So one day, I had to take care of my sister in hospital, and it was all the cheating started. The thing is, to get back on track is another pain in the ass, it was even harder! It was so difficult! Dude, it was the hardest thing to do this year I may say, to get back to eating healthy after tasting all the MSGs. geez! I'm still trying, tho. Anyway, I wonder if the cheating and hard-to-back-on-track things applied in human relations too? As a cheater myself, I suggest a big no to cheating in any possible way. Seriously.
6. Being mean and indifferent doesn't fit me. Though overthinking seemed to fit me, it killed me reaaaallll slllooooowwwww..  seriously, it was exhausting to be an overthinker. I am trying to fix this reeeeaaal hard. 
7. You do you. Never ever blame yourself because of something or someone. Blaming ourselves is the worst and most painful thing you can do to yourself. It's a form of self-harassment. Be kind not only to others but to yourself. Yourself is numero uno!
8. Art heals me

Hence, I have been doing well. I just want to say here to some people who have been kindly concerned, worried, cared, and curious about me, directly or secretly (iykyk). Anyway, I am still doing my project, also yes I am still doing my piano lesson, but no I rarely sew again (which I miss and probably will do next year), yes also to my random solo trip (I still do), but no I rarely cook lately (my mom's food is my ammunition), and yes I still figuring out what's best for me. I have never been better. Life is good. That's about my life updates.

To summarize, this year ... I think I cried a lot. However, I laughed a lot more. So I am grateful.