Useless

A complicated feeling comes to me. in between sad and happy. :(: , it doesnt mean to complain again and again, i just feel like... useless

With all of this meeting (which is not a professional or useful, yet just hang out with some friends), does it necessary ? i mean, God give me just one time to life, one time to death. i am not kind of lucky person to have two lives and a death. so, is this the good way spending this one life time ? i thanked God for every piece of chesses, for lot of pizzas, and another delicious foods and more that come in to my tummy. how could i just enjoy it , keep it as fat in my body and not change it to energy ? i think i just dont know how, or may be dont want to know how ? 

Looking lot of inspiring blogs just make me realize that i am nothing, there's nothing that i can show off to people, i mean, like there's no achievement i've get. how could i go to New York, or Greece, or London or even Scotland if i have do nothing and umm hard to find good thing that may be useful for people around ? people will look at me as a groucher, complainer or even as a person who is ungrateful, right ? but my defense, look at your self, are you proud of your self if you cant do anything useful for your self, at least? I pray to God for show me the way to get the success, the way to go abroad, the way to find my passion. but then i realize, as long as i am in a comfort zone, which means, sitting infront of tv, or laying on my bed and just watch the dvds, all day long, week and even month long, how could this be possible ? should i organize my to-do-list ? i am not kind of organized person, anyway. well, i'll try ! after you read this story of me, could you give me, some advices ? :"" i am exhausted being useless....

p.s : november's joys are starting.

November 10th, Happy birthday to the kindest and carest chairmate, ever, Virginiar Novanda !! Thankyou for every lessons you taught, for every kind and good thing you've done, Thank you and Happy Birthday Giin :*

November 11th, Happy birthday to the best of best listener ever, IBET ! you always can hear the words that i haven't ever talk. aa you are the best , beet ! may the happy life come to you, every second time, may you always under His protection, showered by His mercy, and wish you all the best ! <3 p="p">

The Modern Nerd

GOOD DAY , EVERYONE ! spending all day long in the library, doin some tasks and ... have skyped with Aulia. milenium era, when distance does not matter for keep contacting, what a modern nerd :) So what are you up to guys in this beautful cloudy tuesday? :3 

Being aloness does not always boring or devastating, sometimes, with your aloness, the ideas come to you without any predction before. it just the most amazing moment when you are dating wth your ideas, write it and make it happen, it's like you are being einstein the modern era haha. too much ? no. people think. as long as you think, so as long as the ideas become soooo important to realize that you are human.

paper art (paper birds and ships) were made by my self, such a fulfilling energy, playing with papers :)

While did task, i just think about "how". How could i be a successful person? How to make my dreams and these ideas that dancing in my mind not just as dream or ideas? How can i make people around me so proud of me ? and how if i just can't do and answer all of those hows?

Then, i get an enlightment. i think about "why". why should i think about the hows ? why don't i just do the contains of the hows? why i just complain or thinking about something that even still in the brain ? why? the why(es) just let me feel as a modern nerd. i mean, it's okay to think much, but you're not living in einstein or edison's time. 2012. everything that you need just come to you as smple as it should be. you just need to utilze those tools, wisely, successfully, and rightly. that how the modern nerd should think. 

so happy work with these pink-ish :"")

Don't you think how to go to the moon, think about why can't i go to the moon, and after you find the reasons and let them to be the reasons how i can go the moon. this is such a kind of my defense. i shouldn't think about how make this finish,  mean seminar proposal, and after i found that, which is a laziness, i should fight for that laziness. with pray, and trying harder, as well. bismillah, Allah must helps people who endeavor. insha Allah :) 

p.s : it was really fun had a conversation with wudik. such a little entertainment while i thought i got stress here haha. <3 p="p">

 look at those faces, haha ! :D

why did it full by "HAHA" words ? hahaha :p

Medusa and Shrek

GOOD DAAAY ! Oh my god, this is sunday and it shines ! what are you doing today ? having fun with the sun or the light? :D

Nothing better to do in this sunday but dating your laptop, camera and a glass of milk cofee :) well, everyone, Happiness is sooo simple :). well, i took lot of pictures this afternoon, spending my lovely sunday and then... i just realize that i have hair that looks like ... Medusa

this pict of me, made by : Nanda :)

Good to know the story about her. She was a beautiful girl, but with her pride, she was damned to looked ugly with ... what do you call it ? snake hair ? : / and become soo ugly with her hair. she's just had everything, beauty, rich untill she was damned just because her personality. and i get it, well personality defeat the beauty. when you have a less beauty face or physic, but you have good personality, people will still love you. i get it. 

The reality is... we can make example as Shrek ! he hasnt good look but his personality is just so sweet but people still keep away and fear of him. i mean, like shrek like me haha. however, the personality is number one in this era, right ? and i get another conclusion that the beauty one is the star.

But, after all i get it, both of them, i mean good looks and good personality, do i have them both ? i recognize that i dont have them both at all. i mean, i am not beautiful, i also have bad temper, and it means i am no longer stand with any beauty, either it in looks or personality. but i think there's another variable that make me still surrounded by good people.

It is.... Confidence :) i am soo high in that. i mean, neither good looks nor good personality, as long as you believe in your self, you are being your self, it makes you feel so confidence of you. that doesnt mean you dont care about yourself or even people arround, no. you just show your personality and your looks by confidence. even you dont have any good in your shape of body, but there's till part of you that you can show off, like my hair :p and in personality, there's another behaviour that can stand with another people beside your temper, like your kindness ? well, everybody, your lacks sometimes become your power, indeed. it depend on how you use what has been given by God, properly. :)