Useless

A complicated feeling comes to me. in between sad and happy. :(: , it doesnt mean to complain again and again, i just feel like... useless

With all of this meeting (which is not a professional or useful, yet just hang out with some friends), does it necessary ? i mean, God give me just one time to life, one time to death. i am not kind of lucky person to have two lives and a death. so, is this the good way spending this one life time ? i thanked God for every piece of chesses, for lot of pizzas, and another delicious foods and more that come in to my tummy. how could i just enjoy it , keep it as fat in my body and not change it to energy ? i think i just dont know how, or may be dont want to know how ? 

Looking lot of inspiring blogs just make me realize that i am nothing, there's nothing that i can show off to people, i mean, like there's no achievement i've get. how could i go to New York, or Greece, or London or even Scotland if i have do nothing and umm hard to find good thing that may be useful for people around ? people will look at me as a groucher, complainer or even as a person who is ungrateful, right ? but my defense, look at your self, are you proud of your self if you cant do anything useful for your self, at least? I pray to God for show me the way to get the success, the way to go abroad, the way to find my passion. but then i realize, as long as i am in a comfort zone, which means, sitting infront of tv, or laying on my bed and just watch the dvds, all day long, week and even month long, how could this be possible ? should i organize my to-do-list ? i am not kind of organized person, anyway. well, i'll try ! after you read this story of me, could you give me, some advices ? :"" i am exhausted being useless....

p.s : november's joys are starting.

November 10th, Happy birthday to the kindest and carest chairmate, ever, Virginiar Novanda !! Thankyou for every lessons you taught, for every kind and good thing you've done, Thank you and Happy Birthday Giin :*

November 11th, Happy birthday to the best of best listener ever, IBET ! you always can hear the words that i haven't ever talk. aa you are the best , beet ! may the happy life come to you, every second time, may you always under His protection, showered by His mercy, and wish you all the best ! <3 p="p">