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I am so so so blessed. Alhamdulillaah.. Thank you Allah, thank you. It was always scary for me to accept the idea of getting old. Never have i think of happiness in that concept. Though, we as human are mortals, living in earth only as a stopover. However, life keeps spinning, and i have to accept the fact that i am no vampire whose like living forever. So, as a grown up lady, being wise is what i have to do. Growing old means getting wise. I probably not on that word yet in progress of being a good one.

I always wonder how to make some memorable moments in this live. I probably am seen as an egoist person, well yeah i probably am, but happiness in the only thing, the only reason why i keep living this (sometimes) hard life, whether is mine or theirs. by theirs, i mean is my parent's, family's, friend's and people surround's. Yours is on my list, as well. Being happy and making happiness is my on top reason to live.

I have ever read a book which its title is things i want to do before i die. I haven't finished it yet, but from its title, it is chosen from many perspectives. Yours probably is one of 'em. I have found a picture from tumblr about things most of people want to do before they die. Travelling the world is numero uno. Who doesn't want, anyway? I do want as well. Yet, it is still far from my position right now. I prefer doing another thing first, then. Having a birthday party with the almsmen, the orphaned, the neglected elderly is my version of one of billion things i want to do before i die. So, when i have a chance to do that, i was gladly, happily, excitedly hail that moment.

Celebrating the day you was born with children with special needs is the greatest joy ever. They are so cute, though they are not normal, but they are just kids, same as the others. The moment i came, i was so teary because i can feel the goodness of God. I mean they are having troubles with communication, with living, with everything you don't feel but they always thanked God for letting them live. How in the world, me as a normal creature, with complete senses, perfect physics, no lack of anything, complains hundred things to God. At the moment i arrived, i thanked God a lot. Just if i can hug Allah, i gladly would do and whisper Him that I am so lucky to live. 

We should not always see things above us, life should be balance. We should see things below. So we always have a chance to feel grateful what we have. To thank God that we are exist. Alhamdulillah :)

Last but not least, I wish them endless happiness until forever. I wish me too, i wish you too. 

Crawling

I keep repeating some of good inspirational and motivational words in to myself, lately. I want to be more positive. I may say that i probably one of the most negative people in the whole world. Not because i want to be seen as a modest one, but really because i am negative, in real life, and i really hate it. I even have thought that i should go to therapist and give me some therapy of positivity or something like that. I have to change. 

Being in the middle of great, talented, inspiring, and positive people would encourage you to be more positive or at least be like them, in good way. I always let myself to be in the middle of them, or at least just read their positive story or tweets. Being positive will bring you a lot of good things. Your face will show the world that you are worth enough to live this life. I want to have my life like that. I want to build a great generation, and it has to be start from myself, right?

 

I always watching talk show that bring me a lot of knowledges and positivity. But sometimes, i take 'em negatively. And that is thing in me i want to change or let go. Insha Allah, my resolution of this year will  be fulfill, though it is not fully filled, but, well yeah at least i do a little change for the better me. It is okay if it is like crawling, but still keep going. Slow but sure.

Anyway, i had a chance to feel something new again. I was given to feel like an actress, anyway hehe. I was in the shoot for Loop activity, and been asked about some questions about loop event last year. It was so nerve racking yet so very exciting. i was so nervous. it was different from the time before, i mean i have shooting for non profit ad, but it was really different. And again, i thanked God to let me feel new experiences each day. hehe..

Anyway, it is may already, the month i always wait for, the month i always afraid of. I can't imagine that only days from now i am going to face my age changes again. I think i am afraid of growing old.. God, let me make my parent, sister, granny, aunts, uncles, cousins, and everyone surround feel so proud of me. Let me live this life happily, inspire others, and getting all the dreams i build, i imagine, i pray for. O Allah O Lord, only You could hear and help me. Aamiin