Should I Write Again?

Recently, I have read and look for the concept of "Ikigai". Wondering about what my Ikigai is. When I was in high school and college, the famous concept I have often heard was "passion".  The questions of life were asked mostly related to passion, our passion. Until I know about this concept which is larger and wider than just a passion. So I have been wondering, questioning myself, looking for what my Ikigai is. And fyi, I still can't find it until this very moment. 

For the past few years, I have always busied myself with what I think I can do. Most of the time, I think I spent it on writing. I have a love-hate relationship with writing. I mean, I can write. People do too. But what made it different was I got a lot of things from writing. Since I was in Highschool, I've got a lot of prizes from writing competitions (which were huge and compromising), I got a chance to meet new inspiring people from it, and the more important thing was I feel I can do something in life, my self-esteem went up because of it. My friends too have always thought that I am good at it. However, those prizes were not proportional to the number of competitions I participated in, like I've participated in hundreds of competitions and only 4-7 of them let me get the prizes. You know, when you try to get something, and you finally get it, it just made you want no stop of getting the other big things. It happened to me like that. Greed. And when you try hard to get that, and you finally not getting it but you didn't stop (for you falling seven times, you stand up eight), it finally gave you stresses. It made my self-esteem went down, feel useless, feel empty. It stresses me out when I face the what-people-call as "writer blocks". I even almost throw up and disgust with my writing, and don't want to see my laptop, even more. I no longer like writing. I hated it. For almost 3-4 years I didn't write purposely for reaching something from it, but I still write in my diary. 

Week ago, I worked out, jogging in the city park. I listened to a podcast. That day podcast's theme was about writing. The podcaster was an artist, a musician, a producer, and a writer. He is very creative, out of the box, he is also smart. He is one of inspirations of mine. Then, I listened to him talking about how he finds peace and identity by writing. He talked about how he doesn't think about everybody's else judgement of his writing and feel like indifferent of what people may think. He wants to tell his story through writing. And all of his thoughts and talks somehow make sense to me. Then I combine about what I heard from the podcast and the Inkigai concept, something crossed my mind "Should I Write Again?"

I mean, I can write, also it may be something I am good at (and some friends and families think I am good at it as well), and I probably can be paid from it and maybe someday, my writing is what the world needs too. Who knows, right? But, I have to work hard on liking it again. So, should i write again?