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February has always been the shortest month ever. The feeling that time really flies fast on February and the fact that it really has the shortest days among all the month sum up that this month has run by. I took some days off from work, and it was the best decision i've made this year so far. Covid-19 is really pain in the ass. I mean, we can't go here and there freely and it somehow makes the boundary itself for us to experience things that we've never felt before (it happens to me, anyway). Once, my sister told me while scrolling her ig posts, "I almost forget how to spend days before this covid happened". And while i scrolled my ig post, i know that feeling too. I almost forget that the life before covid was great.

However, there are always silver linings in everything. In my case, because of the limitation (places and times), I am more aware to myself rather than before. I listen myself more, I have learned about myself more, and I think about myself more. For instance, when i took some days off this month, I really asked myself what i wanted to do, how i wanted my precious days spent, and think what i needed to do to gather up myself back. So, i went to the Anyer beach after like two years of not going to the beach -which i thought that i need that the most, I also did my medical check up (physically and mentally), I went to a new place that I haven't visited before and I learned doing new things which i am so glad i did that. 

There are always some days when it feels so burdensome and we feel like we want to give up and end up everything. Like the universe becomes the real hell. I have felt that way too. You know the feeling like you fed up of everything, wanted to vomit and wanted to quit of everything you start and do. Like you feel numb (at heart and mind), and wanted to do nothing at all. I've been there. People probably not knowing me having feel that way because i always put smiles and laugh and stand up like nothing happened. But deep down, it feels like we're in the bottom of the sea and can't swim up again. Like we're in the zero point. Kita ada di titik nol. I think it's very human to happen. Once, a psychologist said to me :

''It's very common. Like a curve. There is no way a curve will continuously goes up. There is a time when the curve goes up and down. When we feel like that, our curve is rising all the time, not being maintained properly, then falling drastically to its lowest point, the zero point. However, it's also okay to be there, we just have to climb up again slowly but steady. Well, that's the art of life."

We know ourselves more than anyone in this world. When we exhausted, instead of quitting or give up, it's better to take some days off. To take some rest. Listen to your heart, do what you really want to do. Anyway, I was asked to write a grateful journal everyday and to recite Istighfar every time. It may works to some of you too. One thing for sure, the important thing is ourselves. I am glad that the fact i learn so much in this month. Most of all, i am glad that I've tried everything to put myself first. Alhamdulillah. Let's have a happy and grateful soul, guys ! :)