"People are really battling with their own problems"
That's what came to my mind when I think I've should write. Nothing is a coincidence in life, I believe that and it somehow applies to me recently. A few moments ago, I read some blog posts of people who I adore and look up to. Strangely, their latest posts were about similar things, their difficulties in life which opened my mind that we are all the same, we are not really okay, in this present time. We all are struggling.
Honestly, at the beginning of the year, I thought I would post stories that only contain good and positive things here. Why? Because I thought if someone really reads my blog post (or at least for myself), it will bring positive vibes in their life (or at least mine), not much but a pinch of happiness. But we all know that life is full of ups and downs, and it's actually good that I have a deed to spread happiness to others, but sometimes sad and bad things also bring the bright side in life, doesn't it?
Some people probably get easily stressed when they've faced some problems like their problems are the heaviest burden in the world. I sometimes at some certain point feel like that too. It's getting more stressful as I think about the problem continuously or for a long time. It has happened to me lately too. Someone slandered and embarrassed me in public and that was hurtful to get inappropriate words being screamed in front of your face, even though it is said by someone who was mentally ill and in an unstable condition, but still, it was devastating. I tried some ways to you know to face it, fight with it, deny it. In the process of doing that, I couldn't sleep. I felt blue, I hate myself, I hate people even more. I kept cursing myself on my mind, and cursing people even more (of course on my mind because I don't want to add any troubles by doing it bluntly). Life was completely a sh** that time. I hold a grudge and I got mad at other people but even more mad at myself to not be able to control my anger, control myself, and of course, I was hyperventilate-crying. Seriously it's been like a decade since I cried that loud until I couldn't breathe and my heart was in pain. I thought that I was gonna die because of a heart attack that was caused by crying out loud and screaming at the same time for too long. It was exhausting.
But at the end of time, what saved me was only by accepted it. Accept that in life, you have to feel the cold of the snow so you can be grateful for the spring after. Accept that in life, when you walk it's very possible for you to accidentally step on some shi*s on the way home and it's okay because you always can clean it up after. Accept that in life, you need some rain and some storms to grow the seed into a beautiful flower. But how I finally could accept all of those bad things? By praying. Once again, Nothing is a coincidence in life. In between the bad days I had, I once read a psychologist's Instagram post which was said that during pandemics, people are easily getting mad, getting stressed even without a specific reason. So the way to avoid that, we have to do something that makes us happy. It could be doing art, cooking, watching movies, talking with other people, playing games, writing, singing, dancing, etc. It is different from one to another people. One of them also is by working out which could create Endorphine hormone that triggers positive and happy feelings in the body. I tried to do that and it really worked for me. I was running on my treadmill while looking at the bougainvillea that blooms that time (thanks to my green-thumb father), sweating, thinking that how could all of this happen to me, looked for the answers to the questions I've been asking myself, and finally to untangle the tangled thread one by one. It was astonishing that after a week of insomnia, I was finally able to sleep that night.
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