Chapter 5: A Quarter of 100

"Indeed, in each loss there is a gain, as in every gain there is a loss. And with each ending comes a new beginning" - Buddha

So it is finally coming the day where everything seems blur. Whether i should happy or sad, whether i should be jump or stand still, whether i should feel brave or fear. Midlife crisis, they may say. I really really thankful for this - quarter of century - kind of life. Really. As if i am no more live this life again, someday, i will keep in my mind that i am so blessed and grateful (so much) of the things i have and did and do and get and see and hear and feel. 

But then comes the anxiety again. The anxious that came from the things that i haven't done, and reach and give and feel. The fear. It all of sudden comes like a black fogs that make my vision comes blur. I am getting confused of the concept about want and should, about aims and dreams. Then, a person tells me that the fogs itself comes because i let it to come. By thinking what i want to achieve because of what people achieve (well, people's grass always seems greener, doesn't it?), not by what i want to achieve, or by thinking about what people want me to do not by what i want to myself do, by thinking about the possibility of mistakes i probably make, not by about the possible of the success of the things i do, by thinking so high without think in smart way, by pushing myself to the very deep well. Then again, she pushes me by her words. It's fine, everything's going to be fine. It is indeed a process of living. You'll get stronger. It's easy to remove the fogs actually, you can blow it, flutter it, or just break through it. It is not a giant wall that you can hardly smash. That is so true.

As i gain my age, my uwak has lost his age. I have never thought that losing him is the thing i have to face this fast. Really. By his kindness, his softness, his words, i was devastated at being left. Inalillahi wa innailaihi rojiuun. May Allah placed him in firdaus jannah, placing him beside Allah, and rest in peace, uwak Hanidin. My loves for you is eternal, i know your love for me is the same too. Thank you :")

Everyone has their life time-period. And it's different from one to another. 

#UciIsTurning25 (I'm feeling like a winner of beauty pageant :p)

I am so ready for the surprises ahead. I just keep being positive that the surprises will be the good surprise. I hope. Aamiin. But again, however, i don't thik that my birthday this year is at age where i can still blow the candles, have a party of it, get surprises and even the birthday gifts. It's A quarter of 100, can you imagine that? But the fact that i still do the party, and get everything and have all of them, i think that is things that i really grateful the most. Really. Alhamdulillah.. Moreover, for the amazing surprises. You guys are so rawk!

This is so crazy having Roti Buaya as a birthday cake, really. But I love it, so thankyou sooo much, crazy girls :3

You know what there is no othe words that i can think but a very very thankyou to everyone for the birthday greetings, prayers, jokes, suprises and all of the birthday bash. If i could hug you one by one, i would gladly to. Thankyou so so much !

By the number of age that added, and the maturity that should be added too, and so does the happiness and joys and grateful feeling, and for the bright life ahead, well, Happy Birthday, me :)