Have you ever questioned your existence? questioned about the reason of why you are here, of why we are here, of why we are breathing. This question was all of sudden came up on my mind on an afternoon stroll.
"Why am i here?"
I could say myself as a thinker. My mind often shows up random questions. Too much curiousities in a time. Too much thoughts in a time. In one time i asked myself about the purpose of my life, i suddenly remember the message that showed up as an answer of a question. One of my professors asked about our existence. "Why are all of you here?" he asked.
We answered in silence. I was thinking at that time. Then the answers showed up one by one. One said to be happy, one said to do good things for saving a happy eternal life in jannah, one said to travel the world. Meanwhile i looked for a good and wise answer. Then my professor said something.
"There are two kind of the purposes of this life.
1. To be success
2. To be useful
Well, all of your answers were indeed into these kind of purposes depends on how you value your own aims. Which one do you prefer? You said about traveling around the world. It could be valued as success if you really could travel as much as you want, but it also could be valued as a useful thing if you travel and you change things, make things better while you're in your travelling periode. So think again, speaking of that, what is the differences between being success and being useful?"
Again, we answered in a silence.
"To be success is to get what you always hope, you always pray for, you always want. It is more like you take things. To be useful is to give what you have, what you want to share to others. It is more like to let out things. It is again depending on how you see things from your perspective. There is nothing wrong with both of them. Both of them are same. They make you happy."
Preach.
To be honest, i don't know what i will be. Allah may have a reason for me to live. But for now, by that words, i have my own answer, my version of reason of why i am here. To be success to be useful. To my family, friends, people around, and mostly to environment. Insha allaah..
Speaking of that, i really pray to Allah to always give me chance to do something useful. This time, i dedicate myself to the better education of Indonesian children. It is Sabang Merauke (Seribu Bangsa Merantau Untuk Kembali). This program is like an exchange program for junior highschoolers outside Jakarta. They were choosed to study for two weeks in school in Jakarta and live in Jakarta. I was choosed as a volunteer assessor to assess the smart-ass youngsters that could be join this program.
I was so so so grateful for the chance, really. I was met a lot of (literally a lot) of smart people. The crews, the assessor teams, the applicants. They were indeed so very very very smart people and very inspiring. I learned a lot from their stories, experiences and lives. I really love letting myself in the middle of that kind of people so i am motivated to do better, to study harder, to ask more much because i feel so knowledge-less when i am with them. I am nothing, and stupid and so small in this wide world. Seriously. And by that, it can bring myself to push myself harder, work harder or work as hard as them (at least) to reach the same degree, same position as them. Thank you so much ya Allah :)
This may sounds naive, but i don't want to let myself buried in anger, in jealousy, in any other bad behaviors. I am not perfect but at least, i try. People keep saying about me this or that. Whatever. Just reply the hatred by the loves. In the end, love will always win. Happy egg-ster ! :)
"Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true.
Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts.
Everyone gets these things confused with love,
but in reality love is the only thing in this world that
covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.
Love is the only thing in this world
that does not hurt."
-Liam Neeson-
P.s I just covered my ears from nothing but this song, Banda Neira - Sampai Jadi Debu. I think i have my new version of "Grow Old With You".
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